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My daughter is the best thing that I have EVER brought into my life! Being a young mom means that I have many more years to watch my daughter grow and become her own person. I have more time to be her mom and I could not be more grateful. However, being a teenage mom has also meant hearing fun phrases such as, “Awe, is this your little sister?” and “Aren’t you a lucky nanny, she’s so darling!”. Most recently, as Ryleigh has entered her teenage years, eating at restaurants has been it’s own kind of entertainment while getting the old, “Are you paying together, or separate?”

Cool.

And after explaining that I am in fact this child’s mother, there comes the apparently necessary, oh so clever, and allegedly flattering “But you look too young to be a mom!”

Every. Damn. Time.

I want to believe this comment is meant to be a compliment. Really, I do. Buuuuuuut…

The first time I heard this, I have to admit, I felt ashamed. I was 19 and lived in Navy base housing with my now ex-husband. Anyone who is familiar with military life can confirm that you’ll see many young families on base. It’s fairly common place. When I took a weekend trip to visit my parents with Ryleigh in tow, I was unprepared for the comment while grabbing some snacks at the grocery store near their home. I know now how to not let anyone make me feel ashamed, but at the time, I was fuckin shook! I knew I was too young. I knew I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I knew I bailed on college to marry my childhood sweetheart and that it may have been irresponsible.

I let that “well-meaning” bitch get in my head. And in that moment I was silenced and offered only a guilty smile. But over the years, as my spine and self-belief have become more solid, I have become more creative with my retorts. So here goes. I hope you choose to use any one of these, friends. And if it gives you a giggle and pep in your step to do so, my mission here is accomplished.

Here are 5 Satisfying Comebacks to “You look too young to be a mom!”

# 1 “Thanks! I’m actually as young as I look. So, it is in fact possible to be a mom as young as I am!”

This line is best delivered with a wide smile and a chipper voice. Pretend to be just as surprised at this information as the commenter must be. If you can work in a head tilt, even better.

# 2 “And you look too old to have driven here. But here we are, taking risks and living the dream!”

Admittedly, this is snarky af. You can handle it though. For instance, I used this comeback while volunteering with the PTA, handing out popsicles, on a particularly hot day at the beginning of the school year. The old bitty who felt as though she just HAD to comment on my age happened to be a 3rd grade teacher at my daughter’s school. She later apologized for commenting. I did not.

# 3 “You heard the lady. I’m too young to be your mom.”

Just simply inform your child in front of the commenter. Be sure to use a calm, matter-of-face voice. That way the commenter and your child will know that you’re doing all you can to make sure you’re fitting in to everyone else’s construct of appropriate parenting age. This should appease the offense-less commenter and allow your child some time to think about their options for finding more befitting mother.

# 4 “Huh, how old should I be?”

For once in your life, stop living under the misinformation that you have agency over your own life and allow someone else to tell you what your life should look like. Admit you’ve been selfish, and let the stranger at the farmer’s market tell you how old you SHOULD be to have your child.

# 5 “Thank you, I’m sure you mean well.” 

This is my go-to when I sense that the commenter is truly trying to be complimentary rather than intrusive and rude. It’s polite, while also letting the commenter know they over stepped. Allow a pause before your reply. A small smile and eye contact will help the recipient understand you do not want to make them feel bad necessarily. Just that you do not like the comment and other young moms probably don’t want to hear it either.

Friends, you do not owe anyone an explanation. You can choose to have fun with this experience. Please understand, my goal is not to make others feel bad about commenting on my age, but to make them aware that it may make the mother hearing the comment feel uncomfortable. I do save the more irreverent comebacks for people who evidently intend to create an uncomfortable atmosphere for me. I simply refuse to tolerate nastiness directed at my daughter and myself. Especially now that Ryleigh is old enough to understand what is being implied. I have found humor not only alleviates the tension for myself and my daughter, but for any bystanders who may be eavesdropping on the fun. Love yourselves friends, support our fellow moms, and carry on!